Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
