this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize