Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
