Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
