well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize