I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
