How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone came in the potted fern
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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