Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
