just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
