She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
