im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
