im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
