If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
