the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
