hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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