it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
