She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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