Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I hate all girls vehemently.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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