Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i barfeds in our rink
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
