so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
