I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
