Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he fucked my hip out of place.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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