If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
