i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
