kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
