Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
