No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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