He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
