She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
