Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
