So drunk its hurt
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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