I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
