im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
