Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
