Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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