i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
