I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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