I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
