mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
