Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
