Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
