Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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