Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
