I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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