i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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