Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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