a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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