so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
