dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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