can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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