Will you blow on my dice?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
