The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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