Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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