Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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