I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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