lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
