birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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