It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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