I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize