I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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