it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
