eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
