just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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