It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
