Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
