Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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